A Foolproof Guide for Weight Loss
I met up with one of my gal-pals recently who typically eschews the notion of dieting and exercise, which is one of the many things I love about her. Much to my chagrin, I discovered she’d gone rogue on me! We met at our favorite hangout spot for a good old heart-to-heart conversation over a glass of wine and a few half priced appetizer selections. To my utter surprise, she pulled a green drink concoction out of her handbag and took a big swig of the swamp water.
What the hell are you drinking? I asked as I reeled back in horror.
It’s a mixture of kale, flax seeds, blueberries, banana, strawberries, apple, and pineapple, she replied calmly. It’s good!
Who are you? And, what did you do to my friend?
She rattled off a list of symptoms and ailments which prompted her new love affair with kale and flax seed, so we chatted about her new eating plan and its various beliefs and edicts. Pretty soon I felt my head start to spin with all the rules and regs this ‘lifestyle choice’ entailed. I moaned quietly to myself wondering why, oh why does it have to be so freaking hard.
Luckily for all of us, I came across this hand-dandy article from my bestie at Jezebel. (Ok, fine. You’re right. I don’t have a bestie at Jezebel, WHATEVER!) AnyWHO, Dodai Stewert offers some top rules of thumb on weight loss in her article How to Lose Weight All the Weight You Want in Just 89 Simple Steps! Here’s the first 15 to get you started:
1. First of all, don’t work out.
2. Or, wait: Exercise. But not too much. If you’re doing intense exercise, then it’s time to exercise less.
3. But this thing called cardio is good.
4. And you should definitely do Zumba!
5. No, actually, you should do interval training.
6. Really, what you should do is exercise for 250-300 minutes a week. That’s four or five hours. And don’t you dare reward yourself with a yummy snack afterward.
7. Get inspired by Chris Pratt, who says: “You can do it. You could. You really could. You could do it in six months.”
8. Instead of a regular vacation, go to a weight-loss spa. Doesn’t sound expensive at all.
9. Oh, hell, go ahead, take a vacation! As long as it’s at the $2,995-a-week Biggest Loser resort.
10. It’s important to eat your largest meal earlier in the day, say, before 3pm.
11. Actually, no. Eat whenever.
13. NO. WAIT. Only eat two meals a day. Do not graze.
14. Skip breakfast.
15. Nevermind. Don’t skip meals.
Find the other 74 simple steps here. Happy reading!