Are you a failure creator?

Posted February 12, 2014 by Rebecca Niziol in Career Moves

Fear of failure is one of the most common fears out there, especially among over-achievers. Career Girls, that’s you!

We do anything to avoid failure. In fact, as humans we’re built to run from or fight against what we don’t want: pain. Our survival depends on it. We typically link failure to pain and do whatever we can so we don’t have to experience it.

This fight or flight survival instinct is thousands of years strong, and it’s working even when we don’t notice it. This means that we move away from what we don’t want (think hungry bear or raging boss) more often than towards what we do want. This motivation to “get away fast” is extremely useful in dangerous or potentially hurtful situations.

Except, it doesn’t always work.

Looking at how many cars crash into poles annually, you can get a pretty clear idea of how the “focus on what you don’t want and move away from it” instinct actually works: it directs you right into what you don’t want. It’s what recently caused the tragic death of actor Paul Walker. The car crashed right into a tree AND a pole, before bursting into flames. Trying to avoid failure is a lot like trying to avoid a pole – you end up moving towards the exact thing you’re trying to move away from.

“When you focus on fear or what you don’t want, you drive yourself right into it. When you focus on failure, you create failure.” – Eben Pagan

When all you keep thinking is “Don’t talk too fast, don’t talk too fast” during a speech you end up racing through it! When you’re on a first date and tell yourself, “don’t bring up your ex, just don’t do it” you end up slipping up and telling that story about you and your ex again. This is how energy works: whatever you think about or focus on becomes your reality. You create your reality. What are you creating?

We live in a culture of problem solvers, constantly looking at what’s not working and how we can make it better. You’re probably really comfortable focusing on what you don’t want, but looking towards what you do want might not come as naturally

It’s not a fun idea to think about, but take a moment and ask:

Do you create failure? Do you create pain? Do you create exhaustion? Do you create stress for yourself and others?

If so, you’re not alone. We all do it. We do it every time we get stuck focusing on the exact thing we don’t want.

There’s a way to change that. You’ve got to start focusing on what you do want. Instantaneously when you do a shift happens… on some level you start to move towards what you want. If your goals are like a target you want to make sure you’re at least aiming towards it, otherwise how do you expect to hit it?

If you find you keep creating little fails in your life, you can stop. If you continuously fall into a state of stress, you can stop. Please stop now. Save yourself and others a lot of time and energy.

Watch this video to learn the 3 step process of smallchangeBIGshift: the in the moment tool to help you do, be, and have more of what you want.

Then answer these five questions and start making small changes in your focus to experience BIG shifts in your life!

  1. Who do you want to be?
  2. What do you want to do?
  3. What do you want to have?
  4. What do you want to experience
  5. How do you want to feel?

About the Author

Rebecca Niziol

Rebecca Niziol, ELI-MP, is many things: a life coach, yoga teacher, dancer, event planner, connection catalyst, and your new best friend. Her mission is to empower others to live the authentic life of their dreams. After years of traveling North America and Europe, she is happy to have found a home and community in Chicago.