Bitches Finish First

5
Posted September 18, 2012 by Marcy Twete in Leaders We Adore

I want to talk to you today about two words — one you’re no doubt far too familiar with and one you may not know. The first is “bitch” and the second is “gaslighting.”

Let me tell you first what gaslighting means. Actually, I think it’s best illustrated in an excerpt from a blog post over at The Content Factory – “Do More, Apologize Less – How Bitchy Women Get Ahead in Business.

Gaslighting is a term often used by mental health professionals (I am not one) to describe manipulative behavior used to confuse people into thinking their reactions are so far off base that they’re crazy.

[…]

  • One of your colleagues makes increasingly rude comments about your weight. When you finally confront him about it, he says you’re overreacting and that you should stop being a bitch and learn how to take a joke.
  • The report you prepare for a meeting doesn’t share the right data. Your boss chastises you in front of the entire board: “Why can’t you ever do what I tell you? You screw everything up.” Later, you tell him that his outburst was unprofessional and upsetting. He says you’re too sensitive and that you’re wasting his time by being so emotional.

The word “bitch” has become a gaslighting term. It’s the term that shuts women up. Someone says, “Oh, she’s just a bitch,” when what they really mean is, “Wow, she’s a strong, accomplished woman who knows what she wants and isn’t afraid to say it.” Since when did the slang term for female dog also become slang for “straight forward”?

What The Content Factory contends in their article is that powerful women, truly powerful women who get ahead and get to the top, do not allow themselves to be gaslighted. They don’t allow their male counterparts to call them emotional or bitchy and get them to back down. That’s why I love the quote above from Tina Fey. Because maybe it’s not that we’re bitches at all. Maybe we’re being gaslighted to believe we are.

Start watching for those gaslighting moments in your career and work life. And here’s another note while you do — they’re not always coming from men! Women can gaslight each other and convince each other we’re overbearing or emotional or too personally invested just as easily as men can. And the next time someone calls you a bitch, take a page from Tina Fey and just say, “Know what? Bitches get stuff done.”


About the Author

Marcy Twete

Marcy Twete is the author of "You Know Everybody! A Career Girl’s Guide to Building a Network That Works" and a career expert who believes in order to be empowered in your career, you must be surrounded with resources and a network that both supports and challenges you. Marcy began her own networking journey as a professional fundraiser in the nonprofit industry, honed those skills as a fundraising consultant, and in 2012 networked her way to nearly 1 million readers as the CEO of the professional development website Career Girl Network.

5 Comments


  1.  
    Cardeni

    Great post. Posts like this are the reason I visit this site.




  2.  

    I love it! Sometimes I worry that I might get called a bitch because I am a no nonsense kind of girl. I’ve tried to train myself to be relationship oriented because as a woman it’s expected. But for me, sometimes, it’s about getting stuff done. Point blank. I’m more task oriented than anything. So I’m forever on a quest to find the balance. That’s why I love this network and DOT Magazine…women get to express themselves and feel empowered as they fill their stilettos and take business to the NEXT LEVEL!




  3.  

    Thanks for featuring our blog!





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