A revolutionary concept entered my life last week, attributed of course to the most amazing executive coach I know, Beth Ruske from Tiara Coaching. It’s natural, when one is staring at a massive “to-do” list to break that list into categories. Naturally, you immediately think each thing on that list is something you personally need to accomplish. If you’re lucky, you have a team surrounding you both personally and professionally to delegate certain tasks to. As you scan the list, you think some of the following:

• I can’t make that event, I should ask someone else on my team to go in my place.
• Oh no, I won’t be able to get to the dry cleaners before it closes. I’ll ask my husband to stop on his way home.
• I simply don’t have the hours in the day to get through this long-term project successfully, perhaps we can bring in a contractor to help with the work.
• Can’t I get my own assistant?

When you look at your list this way – What can I do myself? What can I delegate? – Beth Ruske told me (and it’s changed the way I look at my list), that you’re missing one massive place to delegate to – no one.

Take a moment, pause, and think about that concept. What is on your list right now that you could delegate to no one?

What does that mean? It means that something on that list needs to drop. You, my dear, need to drop. the. ball. And if you’re anything like me, your head is spinning right now. Women spinning 100 plates in the air at any time would be screaming, “But I can’t! I can’t just drop something for no reason at all.” The truth is, though, you can! Dropping the ball, breaking one of those spinning plates, what would it really do to hurt you? The truth is….nothing.

So I took Beth’s advice the last couple of weeks, and it’s amazing what I’ve been able to both accomplish and eliminate. Now, I look at my to-do list and I ask myself these questions:

1. Is this item something I absolutely have to do and no one except me could do it?
2. Is this item something anyone has to do? Is it urgent and important?
3. What would happen if this item was never accomplished?

If the answers are “No, no, and no,” then I know who I’m ready to delegate that task to….no one! Join the task list revolution. It might just change your list forever!

The post Delegating to No One appeared first on Career Girl Network.

Admit it, we’ve all been there. At some point in your career, you’ve said something like these frustrated statements:

• What do you mean, you don’t understand? I emailed it to you!
• Didn’t you get my email?
• Seriously, we had a whole email exchange about this!
• Let me read this email to you, and you tell me if you understand it.

You could be the world’s most skilled communicator, and still have had hundreds of terrible miscommunications online and via email in your career. It’s just too hard to convey tone, emotion, and to be truly clear in email communication. Keith Ferrazi, literally one of my favorite authors of all time and the incredible Never Eat Alone, recently wrote the article “How to Avoid Virtual Miscommunication” for Harvard Business Review. One of his pieces of common miscommunications stood out to me.

Amplify the signal. We often communicate less information than we think we are, a syndrome psychologists call signal amplification bias. Virtual teams, lacking contextual cues that the other person hasn’t understood what we’re trying to say, often hear only too late that “I thought it was obvious that…” or, “I didn’t think I needed to spell that out.”

How to avoid signal amplification bias? Spell things out! Don’t just say, “Circle back with me.” Do you want final input to a decision or just want to be informed of the decision after it’s been made? For important communications, Yael Zofi advises her executive clients to use more than one medium. So, for example, if you have a phone conversation about possible delays in a project, follow up with an e-mail to minimize misunderstandings.

All too often, we think we’re being clear both in person and via email and, in fact, we’re not. We expect others to pick up on our “signals” without remembering that what we’re giving off are our signals, not theirs. Take Keith’s advice, and instead of saying “Circle back with me,” take it a step further and say, “Please check in with me in an hour to let me know you’re on the right track.” Clarity counts in online and email communications!

The post Fix Email Miscommunication: Amplify Your Signal appeared first on Career Girl Network.

Why You Can’t Get Anything Done…

Between meetings, conference calls, interruptions from managers looking for an update, and the 5^th birthday celebration of the month – it’s a wonder we get anything done at the office.  With all the distractions and interruptions, many people would go as far as to say that they have nothing to show at the end of a busy day – the feeling that even though their calendar was full, no meaningful work was accomplished.

It doesn’t take an expert to recognize that long stretches of uninterrupted time are necessary to think and work through problems.  Unfortunately, today’s typical office is just not conducive to that.  That is what Jason Fried’s TED talk, “Why work doesn’t happen at work” is all about.  This talk is entertaining and thought-provoking – definitely worth taking the time to listen.

Towards the end of his talk, Mr. Fried offers up a few solutions to what he says are the problems – managers and meetings.  He argues that offices need “no-talk” quiet time, more passive versus active communication, and a decrease in the frequency and size of meetings.  I think these are great ideas, but for a lot of us, not feasible in the near-term.

How to Focus & Stay Productive at Work

So while we try to convince the higher-ups of Mr. Fried’s wisdom, here are a few tips that have worked for me in various working environments at different clients throughout my consulting career.

1) Schedule a Meeting – just yourself though, and if possible, in a conference room away from the craziness that is so common in open-office layouts.  This way, it’s on your calendar and people know that you are busy, and are less likely to interrupt.  I especially like the suggestion of LinkedIn’s CEO, Jeff Weiner, that we schedule free time into our days: “The Importance of Scheduling Nothing” .

2) Clearly Communicate.  When you’ve got a tight deadline, try letting your manager and coworkers know ahead of time that you are going need to focus on that project for a period of time, say the afternoon.  In the event that people don’t realize everything you have on your plate, this will alert them to the fact.  When your manager invites you to one more meeting, let her know what you are working on and ask her how she’d like you to prioritize.  She might even come to the realization that you don’t need to be at that meeting after all.

3) Adjust Your Expectations & Plan Ahead.  Part of the stress in not getting specific work done is that your original intentions are not realistic.  On days that are going to be particularly meeting heavy, consider planning ahead and not even trying to get substantive work done during the day.  This might mean a night (or a few nights) where you stay late, or plan to put in a few hours after the gym or dinner.

4) Learn to Batch.  If you have control over your day, try scheduling (batching) like activities together.  So meetings are on just 1 or 2 days a week, 2 days are dedicated to uninterrupted work time, and maybe 1 day for everything else that comes up and/or creative time.

5) Listen to Music.  One of the most challenging places I’ve ever had to be productive was in the middle of a trading floor at a client site.  If you work in an open-office layout, there will be times when your only option is to pull out the headphones.  I find that fast paced music can actually help me focus and even speed up my work pace (that’s the reason they play that type of music in many restaurants – to get you to eat fast! – but I digress…).

Or a babbling brook… If songs distract you, no need to listen to elevator music.  Try white noise or some version of it like that found on SimplyNoise.  Donning headphones does two things: (1) it allows you to tune out everything going on around you and (2) it gives a signal to your coworkers that you are focused on your work, and hopefully leads to a lower likelihood that they will interrupt you unnecessarily.

Do you find it is hard to get work done at the office?  If so, please share your best strategies below for staying productive in a workplace full of distractions and interruptions.

The post Tackling Your To-Do List In Today’s Frenzied Office appeared first on Career Girl Network.

A recent article in Forbes called out “The Seven Ways Your Boss is Judging Your Appearance,” and while I agree that your boss is definitely judging you, I don’t necessarily agree with the findings of the article, even if they’re backed up by research. More so than talking about your boss, the article talked about hiring practices across the board and a study done recently about the way hiring managers judge candidates:

While appearance was deemed less important than gravitas and communication skills, it’s the very first thing people see. So a major grooming mistake can instantly undermine your chances of showing just how good you really are. From the CTI researchers’ interviews with high-level leaders, these emerged as the top seven physical traits that you’re being judged on.

The article goes on to say you’re being judged on your physical attractiveness, height, and even your “slimness.” While, again, I don’t necessarily agree, I do think there are things that your boss – the one you have now, not the one you’re interviewing with is judging you on every single day. And these are the kinds of missteps that could make or break a promotion or even get you fired. So listen up.

5 Ways Your Boss is Judging the Way You Look

1. In the difference between what you wear on Monday and what you wear on Friday. Sure, many offices have “casual Friday,” but that doesn’t mean “Hello Kitty t-shirt Friday.” What you wear on Monday and what you wear on Friday may be different inherently because it’s “casual Friday,” but if they are drastically different, trust me, you’re being judged for it. Instead of wearing casual clothing to work, consider thinking of casual days as ways to “dress down” your work clothes. Perhaps you wear a dark pair of jeans instead of slacks or pair your blazer with a sweater instead of a button up. But don’t go all the way to Sunday afternoon wear lest ye be judged.
2. In the difference between what you wear on the day of an important meeting and a non-meeting day. I’ll use my husband as an example here, as men’s wardrobes are more cut and dry. My husband works in a corporate environment where daily attire is not business casual, but also doesn’t require a jacket or tie. However, on days when outside consultants are in the office, or meetings with anyone in the C-suite, he wears a jacket and tie. Your boss is judging this kind of difference in your dress. They want to see that you know the way you have to uplevel your wardrobe for important clients or internal key players. So dress appropriately, even overdress, for important meetings.
3. In the time you choose to change your shoes. Women often come to work in one pair of shoes and leave work in another. Totally acceptable. But what time do you change out of the heels and into the flats? Say you have a meeting at 2pm, but nothing going on after that. If you’re changing into flats, your boss (especially a female boss) may be judging. She may also be thinking, “Oh, I see, you’re done for the day.” Changing into your commuter shoes can imply you’re “leaving early.” Don’t! If you can’t handle heels all day, then don’t wear them at all!
4. In the way you dress when you come in on a weekend. You’re making a sacrifice by coming into the office on the weekend, we know, but showing up in clothing you would never wear during the week isn’t appropriate even when the office is closed. Ask yourself this: if you ran into the CEO on Saturday and he or she said, “Let’s grab lunch,” would you be appropriately dressed? If not, then don’t go to work in it!
5. In the way you dress for after-hours company outings. Two years ago, when working in a consulting firm, I had the occasion to attend a black tie dinner. Most of the women in my firm were older and more conservative, so while I knew that my long strapless black dress would likely be appropriate for a black tie gala for a younger crowd, instead I shopped for a dress with sleeves specifically for the event. And while I would normally wear bare legs, I shopped for black hosiery to stay appropriate for my boss and the women in my firm who were more traditional.

No one wants to be judged, and sometimes we all feel like petulant teenagers screaming, “I’ll wear what I want!!!” But the facts are facts. You’re being judged – by your boss and the other superiors in your company. It’s your job to think through these potential judgment points and dress accordingly.

The post 5 Ways Your Boss is Judging the Way You Look appeared first on Career Girl Network.

Throughout your career, especially as you rise into management, you will encounter the need to have difficult conversations. These conversations might be about an employee’s performance, the delivery plan of a partner, your own schedule or needs, and many other hot button issues. If you research difficult conversations, you’ll find that experts speak openly about the fact that the human “fight or flight” instinct arises whenever difficult situations do as well. Our instinct when having a difficult conversation (regardless of whether you’re on the side of starting the conversation or receiving feedback), is to do one of two things – get defensive or run away.

So how do you have a difficult conversation without fighting or fleeing? Try these tips:

The Absolute Musts of a Difficult Conversation

• Put your relationship first. Remember, the person sitting across from you in that conversation has a relationship with you. Do everything you can and base everything you say on the fact that you want to preserve the relationship.
• Go in with the end in mind. We flee or fight during difficult conversations mostly because we’re afraid of the conversation. Instead, focus on the outcome. If you can frame the conversation by thinking of the good outcomes that will happen a month or a year from now because of the conversation, you’ll have a much more positive attitude in your interaction.
• Schedule the conversation and be clear about what you’ll be discussing. Too often, we try to have difficult conversations during a time when we encounter a difficult moment. This is the absolute wrong time to address an issue. Instead, you must do it later when you’re calm and can have a rational conversation that is productive instead of reactive.

The Absolute Don’t's of a Difficult Conversation

• Don’t get emotional. This is a hard one for a lot of women. It’s easy to get upset and even allow yourself to tear up when you’re dealing with high stress conversations. Take a deep breath and calm down, you’ll get through it.
• Don’t take the blame. When you’re having a tough conversation, the person you’re talking to might get defensive. In that instance, it’s easy to start taking the blame on yourself. You might say, “Well, perhaps I could have done things differently.” Stick to your guns! You know why you’re having the conversation. Have it!
• Control the gossip. Some difficult conversations mean letting someone go. When this happens, it’s only natural that gossip will run rampant. Be careful in these instances to control that gossip by being professional and calm about every situtation.

Ultimately, the biggest tip you need to take away from this article about difficult conversations is this. Have them. Sweeping something under the rug will always make the situation worse, not better. Take the time and have the respect for the individuals and staff members around you to have the difficult conversations when they are needed and approach them with tact and professionalism.

The post The Difficult Conversation: How It’s Done Tactfully appeared first on Career Girl Network.

Last week, we started a conversation here at Career Girl about pushback. Comments continued on numerous LinkedIn groups, on Twitter, and through comments on our website. While we told women to push back when they were uncomfortable or confused, questions arose about pushback for women who might be further along in their careers. How can you push back as a female CEO, for instance, without feeling or looking like a bitch?

So today, we’re giving you a few more ways to push back no matter what level you’re at:

• Include yourself, sometimes even when you’re not included. A very high level woman at a corporate retailer once told me a story of her male counterparts leaving her out of important meetings. Over and over again, she’d hear about decisions being made in her own department, and realize she wasn’t included. What did she do? She closely followed the calendar of one of her equals, and just showed up to the meetings she knew she should have been included on. No one was going to be ballsy enough to tell her to leave these “boys’ club” meetings, and as time went on, she started to be included on the meetings they knew she should have been part of to begin with.
• When you know you’re not being paid equally, say it loud and proud. Here’s something you may not know about most men – they talk to their colleagues about how much they make…pretty regularly. Chances are, the guy in the office next to you knows exactly what the guy in the office next to him makes. Women, though, don’t often have these conversations. We want to be polite or avoid controversy. But the fact is, knowing what your colleagues make means you know whether or not you’re underpaid (my guess is, you are!) If you’re underpaid and overworked, Career Girls, you have every right to negotiate your salary. This is a time to push back! My favorite example of a high level woman in this area is Mika Brzezinski. She found out after joining the show “Morning Joe” that Joe Scarborough made 12 times her salary. She embarked on a process to get paid more that often made her look and feel like a bitch, and later wrote the book Knowing Your Value about her story. Read it!
• When you don’t know something you need to know in order to rise in your career. Last year, I heard Anne Prammagiore, the CEO of ComEd, speak at a event. She talked about her route to becoming ComEd’s CEO. She began at ComEd in their legal department, but recognized that in order to rise to a C-level position, she needed to know many facets of the business. So instead of becoming complacent to just rise in legal, she pushed back. She asked for a job in regulatory affairs, then in operations, and it was that breadth and depth of experience that made her the prime candidate for CEO. Don’t allow someone to pigeonhole you in a role or a department. Instead, take that opportunity to push back and recognize which areas you want to learn and grow into in your career.

What other ways have you pushed back in your career either to get ahead or to make your job an all around better experience?

The post We’re Talking Pushback: Part 2 – It Works At All Levels appeared first on Career Girl Network.

There’s an epidemic in the cultural education of girls in America. We tell them to be sweet and agreeable and not to talk back. We put in our nursery rhymes about what “little girls are made of” and the like. So it shouldn’t come as any surprise that it’s often difficult for adult American women to push back both personally and professionally, for fear they may be seen as difficult or antagonistic or worst of all, bitchy.

Whether you’re timid and shy or have the world’s biggest backbone, I can guarantee you’ve been in a spot where you’ve held your tongue, not just to be polite or professional, but to avoid being judged or disliked. Today, we here at Career Girl Network are giving you the permission (after all, you’re a good girl who asks for permission, right?) to push back.

Situations In Which You Should Absolutely Push Back

• When you feel uncomfortable physically or emotionally with something that’s going on. A friend recently told me about her boss asking her to make run an errand for the company in a neighborhood she was physically uncomfortable going to alone. Instead of pushing back, she went and nearly cried when she found herself lost and unable to find a taxi in the dark in a bad neighborhood. This is one instance she should have insisted her boss pay for a car service to take her there or a courier service to deliver the package, no matter how scared or stupid she might feel. If you are physically uncomfortable or have real fear of a situation, push back!
• When instructions are not clear and lack of clarity could cause additional issues. We often allow our bosses and colleagues to give unclear or unfinished instructions. We think to ourselves, “I’ll figure it out.” What happens if you don’t? Isn’t it better to ask for clarification, push back on the steps you need to take, and learn the right process than to make the mistake of doing it wrong the first time and having to apologize? Don’t worry about looking dumb. Simply ask for clarification.
• If you feel like this is something you might lose sleep over later. I’ve heard so many women say things like, “I’m so mad, I can’t believe he said that to me” about their boss or colleagues or a client. These are exactly the moments you have to find a professional way to push back. You don’t deserve to lose sleep over the way someone else is treating you or to shed tears over the stress of a project when you could just as easily ask for help and clarify needs. Take the time, when these negative encounters arise, to compose yourself, take a deep breath, and professionally give a little bit of pushback. You might look like a bitch, but at least you’ll know you’ve done all you could.

Where are you missing some pushback in your own career? Are you allowing yourself to be walked all over? Take the time to erase the old stigma of the “difficult woman” and replace it with the empowered one!

The post Pushback: It Doesn’t Make You a B!tch appeared first on Career Girl Network.

In January, Career Girl’s resident life coach, Rebecca Niziol asked us all to face a big question: Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy? The truth is, sometimes you can’t be both.

I thought back to Rebecca’s article when I was reading another article from Harvard Business Review writer Judith Glaser, “Your Brain is Hooked on Being Right.” In fact, it’s not so easy to choose being right or happy (though if you want some tactics on how to control those choices, Rebecca’s article is amazing). Judith Glaser tells us that our brain’s chemistry actually sabotages that choice with hormones and surges that make it nearly impossible to lay down and be alright with being wrong.

In situations of high stress, fear or distrust, the hormone and neurotransmitter cortisol floods the brain. Executive functions that help us with advanced thought processes like strategy, trust building, and compassion shut down. And the amygdala, our instinctive brain, takes over. The body makes a chemical choice about how best to protect itself — in this case from the shame and loss of power associated with being wrong — and as a result is unable to regulate its emotions or handle the gaps between expectations and reality. So we default to one of four responses: fight (keep arguing the point), flight (revert to, and hide behind, group consensus), freeze (disengage from the argument by shutting up) or appease (make nice with your adversary by simply agreeing with him).

But how do you control yourself when those responses seem to be so chemically driven? Judith gives great pieces of advice in her article like this one:

Plan who speaks. In situations when you know one person is likely to dominate a group, create an opportunity for everyone to speak. Ask all parties to identify who in the room has important information, perspectives, or ideas to share. List them and the areas they should speak about on a flip chart and use that as your agenda, opening the floor to different speakers, asking open-ended questions and taking notes.

Click here to read the rest of Judith Glaser’s article and learn how you can learn to be wrong (or something like that).

The post Right Fighting: Is It Worth It? appeared first on Career Girl Network.

I never set out to develop a personality that would uplift people. I don’t give fake compliments to make people happy, and I certainly don’t put myself down to make others look superior, but somewhere along the line I picked up habits that make other people feel great. I get told all the time how I am uplifting and a great listener. In looking at my workplace interactions, I can see how my colleagues would say that for a few specific reasons.  I wanted to pass on some of the relationship-fostering things that I do in the hopes that it will help make workplaces happier for other Career Girls.

First, I can think of an example of what not to do. People around me know I talk about health and wellness all the time. I’m not exactly a fitness buff, but I promote wellness in everything I do, and encourage others to get moving for their health. When asked about what I did over the weekend, I usually say I did some odd amount of miles or a race, and I get reactions like “That’s nuts,” and, “You’re crazy.” Um, thanks? I don’t think it’s crazy. I mean, I run a lot and do some wacky races, but it’s my hobby. It’s not like I participate in moo-ing contests (and even that is kind of adorable). I’m not easily offended so it doesn’t bother me, but I don’t do that to other people. It’s not a fun and productive way to talk to your colleagues, and it certainly doesn’t win anyone over to hear you say that you think they’re nuts, even if you’re joking.

So what do I do? I don’t think of it as a strategy, but I try to listen and give positive feedback. I tell them that what they’re working on is cool, or sounds fun. I ask questions because I’m an inquisitive person, but you don’t have to be riveted by everything someone does just to be engaged enough to hold a meaningful conversation. Are people going to want to talk to someone who is interested and encouraging, or someone who thinks they’re bananas? I think that’s obvious.

In addition to that, I try to remember what people are doing and ask them how it’s going. I’m such a talker that I can go on and on about my own pursuits (it’s why I blog so much), but I know that people don’t like to interact with someone who only ever talks about their own life. I make a mental note when someone says what they’re doing over the weekend. Then on Monday I can initiate a conversation by asking them how it went. It’s not rocket science—people like to be heard and they like to be asked.

Finally, be sincere. You can be positive and encouraging without really caring about people, and that’s transparent. When you care enough about the people around you and the atmosphere at your workplace, building relationships and being a good listener will come easy. Just pay attention to how you talk to people. If you are making a linguistic faux pas, you’ll notice and be able to correct it.

Most people reading this and being introspective are probably not the ones who need to be prompted into being friendly at work. I think that generally the motivated women who read articles from sources like Career Girl Network are bright, including being above average when it comes to emotional IQ. For the sake of everyone’s mental wellness, see if you can’t inspire others to have more positive interactions. It’s the type of thing that promotes strong friendships in real life, but it can also really improve the mood at work.

The post Conversation Tips for Building Relationships appeared first on Career Girl Network.

As a management consultant focused on finance and interim management, I’ve always worked in a male-dominated field.  And for the most part, that’s been a good thing.  I’ve learned how to be (or act!) more confident, how important it is to take risks, and that you should never be afraid to ask for what you want.  But one of the things I had to come to terms with pretty early on, was dealing with managers that had tempers.  I’m talking yelling, publicly humiliating, throwing-chairs type of tempers.*

I suspect that many of us have been on the receiving end of a manager’s tirade.  In my case, even if my manager wasn’t yelling at me per se, but just expressing general frustration, it never felt right to me.  It’s a form of disrespect (he wouldn’t yell at his manager, would he?) and it creates unnecessary stress and even resentment on everyone’s part – the person being yelled at, the team, and the client.  Leading by fear can be effective, but it’s demoralizing and demotivating in the long run.  Over the years, I’ve come up with two strategies for surviving the boss that yells.

#1 – Set your boundaries

People treat you the way you let them treat you.  Or put another way, you teach people how to treat you.  After a couple of situations like the one described above, I decided that the next time it happened, I would calmly address the behavior and set my boundaries by making it clear that it was not okay to yell at me.  My first opportunity to try this out happened to be with a manager, Don, that was known for being extremely intelligent, but also very intense and a real workaholic.**  Many feared him and everyone took pity on the poor souls that were staffed on his projects.

My turn finally came.  As usual, the client was in a crisis situation and its employees were short-staffed and not moving fast enough.  I was on a call with Don when he started screaming into the phone – why wasn’t it done, why weren’t they cooperating, was I making it clear how important the task at hand was?

I was prepared this time and calmly and in the most respectful way possible, said something to the effect of, “Don, no need to raise your voice, I can hear you.  I can tell you are pretty stressed – let’s regroup when you’ve had a chance to calm down.”   Silence.  Uh-oh, had I pushed it too far?  After a long pause, and with a lower tone of voice, Don agreed that yes – he was upset, and that maybe, yes he was yelling because of that.  And then the unthinkable happened.  He apologized.  And he never yelled at me again.

#2 – Don’t take it personally

Probably the biggest lesson I learned from Don was to avoid taking things personally.  While I wasn’t going to allow his reputation for having a short fuse be an excuse for him to mistreat me, I also came to realize that it wasn’t personal.  That was just him.  Period.

As women, we tend to overanalyze interactions with coworkers, especially managers.  The wrong tone, a look, a pause that is a little too long – they can all be indicators that something isn’t right, and an invitation to replay the conversation in our heads, over and over again.  We stress ourselves out to figure out what we did wrong, how can we make it right, and maybe even go as far as to question our own ability to do the job.  But for the most part, when it comes to men and business, you will save yourself a lot of energy by taking things at face value.  Really.  It’s not personal.

But aren’t these conflicting strategies?

Setting boundaries and not taking this personally almost seem to be conflicting strategies.  On the one hand, I am encouraging you to teach your manager how to treat you.  And then I tell you to let it go and not take it personally.  The key here is to not think of them as opposing ideas, but to find the balance that works for you.

You will know when you hit that sweet spot when you feel good about your relationship with your manager.  You feel respected as the professional you are, and you no longer obsess over your interactions.  This will allow you to focus your energy on what is most important, which is finding a way to make an meaningful impact by doing your best and helping others to do the same.

*Although I witnessed it, I thankfully have never been the target of a flying chair!

**Name has been changed to protect the innocent.

The post Surviving a Boss Who Yells appeared first on Career Girl Network.