Dating: The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly

Posted July 22, 2013 by Monica O'Connell in Life After Five

“All the single the ladies. All the single ladies. Put your hands up!” 

We’re talking about dating.  The good. The bad and the ugly.  Let’s be honest, at times, it can be ugly.

We’ll start with ugly.

It gets ugly.  The ugly varies for people of course but some include being set up on disaster dates. Have you been on one? Where the person sitting across from you at the table is kind of your worst version of a nightmare.  One example is the other person already being inebriated upon your arrival at the date.   Another ugly includes the inside of our closet/bathroom/bedroom floor as we frantically get ready and decide the exact right outfit for the second date.

The bad.

I save this category for the bad that occurs in our heads.  The bad of shaming ourselves that because we haven’t found the right match, there’s something bad about us and the comparing that comes with it.  If I were ______. Skinnier. Cuter. Smarter. Taller. Shorter. Richer. Better. Then I’d have a boyfriend.   This is the part of us that may need some extra shoring up if we’re really struggling here.  Some people really start to notice self esteem issues when they start dating or if they continue dating without what they consider success. This might also come up a few dates in if we’re super worried about whether or not he will call.  The best way out of this one, give him a call. Once.

The good.

Dating sets us up with the opportunity to really know ourselves. Am I the kind of girl who loves spending time with lots of people? Is my version of camping happy hour on a patio? Checking these things out helps us find people we’re most compatible with.  It’s probably not gonna workout the best if I despise sporting activities and the guy I’m dating is a sportscaster. Opposites attract, certainly but if one of the things you do the most, I dislike the most, we might run out of things to talk about.

We get to be on the adventure of meeting new people and trying new things.  Suggesting dates at new places can help you learn your neighborhood and you can certainly make it into a goal of trying new things.  That way, even if the date is a dud, you can at least cross that new corner coffee place off of your list.

If you’re spending way more time in the bad and ugly, it might be a good idea to either start exploring how to move into the good and/or maybe take a break to spend more time figuring out you.

What are your dating goods, bads, and uglies?

About the Author

Monica O'Connell

Monica O’Connell is a Licensed Marriage and Family therapist in Minneapolis, Minnesota. In her practice, she spends her career cheering on “Career Girls” as they learn how to get the most out of life. Monica works with arguably some of the most successful, intelligent, inspiring women in the Twin Cities who tackle self-discovery, career success, and what’s getting in the way of their true desires. She shares her favorite moments as those “best described not by words but by the stomach aching, face soreness that comes from spending an entire day laughing with loved ones.”