When it comes to having difficult conversations, we make colossal mistakes throughout. Whether you’re talking about salary with your boss or marriage with your boyfriend, tense topics can create big opportunities to stumble over our words and at times even become our worst selves.
Harvard Business Review has put together a fantastic slideshow highlighting “Difficult Conversations: 9 Common Mistakes.” I encourage you to scroll through the entire slideshow, but I’ll share with you the mistake that most resonated with me:
Mistake #6: We get “hooked.”
Everyone has a weak spot. And when someone finds ours – whether inadvertently, with a stray arrow, or because he is hoping to hurt us – it becomes even harder to stay out of the combat mentality. Maybe yours is tied to your job – you feel like your department doesn’t get the respect it deserves. Or maybe it’s more personal. But whatever it is, take the time to learn what hooks you. Just knowing where you’re vulnerable will help you stay in control when someone pokes you there.
This is something my coach and I have been working on lately. Asking myself, “Why did I get hooked by that?” It’s that moment in a conversation when someone says something that shouldn’t drive you crazy, but it does. And then you can’t let go of that one sentence or action – you’re hooked. The key to avoiding this is to recognize what those things are that often “hook” you. For me, it’s criticism that comes without explanation. I can get seething mad without reason, and I’m “hooked.”
What are your common mistakes in difficult conversations? Do these 9 things resonate with you? Which in particular?
About the Author: Marcy Twete
Marcy Twete is the Founder and CEO of Career Girl Network and the author of the book “You Know Everybody! A Career Girl’s Guide to Building a Network That Works.” At Career Girl Network, Marcy provides women with information, resources, and networking to empower them in their careers and to advance the work of women in business as a whole. Prior to launching Career Girl Network, Marcy worked in numerous nonprofit organizations and as a consultant in the field of nonprofit fundraising, marketing, and community relations. Marcy is a graduate of the College of St. Benedict in St. Joseph, Minnesota, and a native of rural North Dakota. She is the Vice Chair of the Chicago Board of Directors for Step Up Women’s Network in Chicago and a member of the Advisory Board for Girls on the Run Twin Cities, and is dedicated to advancing the work of organizations that move the needle for women and girls worldwide.
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