Don’t Make This Mistake

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Posted July 17, 2013 by Rebecca Niziol in On the Ladder
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Ladies listen up. There’s something going on that really rubs me the wrong way. The other day this went down and I could barely stand it…

One woman, let’s call her Jill, approached a few other ladies at a wedding I attended. The group was casually schmoozing, chatting, and having a good time. When Jill walked up they greeted her with (fake?) smiles and compliments. They caught up for a minute or two over passed apps and champagne, and then Jill made her way along to the bar not far from where they were standing. Within 10 seconds of Jill’s departure, as she was still in earshot, the group devoured her with nasty comments and judgment.

“Can you believe what she’s wearing?”
“Who does she think she is?”
“Did you hear she lost her job?”

I had a total OMG and WTF moment.

After this went down, I told a friend how shocked I was by this behavior. Her response: “Eh, that’s what women do.” Then, I had another OMG and WTF moment! Really? Is that who we are as women? Packs of judgmental, overly-critical, cruel hyenas waiting to tear people down? When did being a mean girl become cool?

The worst part: the women being verbally attacked are usually considered friends. We are literally ripping on the people we claim to love. That doesn’t sound very friendly. Ladies, we can change this. I know you aren’t necessarily like this, but we all fall into these habits from time to time. Lets stand for something else, something greater.

Women are the most interesting and beautiful creatures on the planet.

We are meant to love and support each other. Give out genuine compliments. Practice compassion when someone is struggling. Release judgment and choose acceptance instead. Elevate your world by elevating the women around you. Build them up. My challenge to you: Stand for loving other women.

Tearing someone down behind their back is like leaving horrible anonymous comments on someone’s blog. It’s cowardly and classless. This behavior is often a sign that the female passing judgment is not confident enough in herself, so she tries to bring someone down to her level with verbal jabs and evil looks.

I know when you’re in a group it’s hard to be the odd one out that doesn’t participate in gossip (I struggle with this too). There’s two things you can do:

  1. Don’t hang out with the “Mean Girls”. Surround yourself with supportive, loving, and kind women.
  2. Create a positive shift. Be the leader of a group in showing a different perspective or way of being. Those gossip lovers will probably follow suit and play nice too.

When women come together and support each other magic happens. We create a more harmonious home, office, and  planet. Drop the judgement, and see the gifts that each gal brings to the table. Don’t make the mistake of belittling yourself or anyone else. Stand in your full potential, and see others full potential as well.


About the Author

Rebecca Niziol

Rebecca Niziol, ELI-MP, is many things: a life coach, yoga teacher, dancer, event planner, connection catalyst, and your new best friend. Her mission is to empower others to live the authentic life of their dreams. After years of traveling North America and Europe, she is happy to have found a home and community in Chicago.

2 Comments


  1.  
    Kathleen

    Miss Rebecca,

    I could not agree with you more!

    I gave up compromise in this area of gossip many years ago and have never been happier.

    As a general rule, If the group I find myself in is actively backbiting as depicted in the article, I find I can’t escape fast enough.

    I have been asked why I didn’t hang around and openly stated I don’t participate in that kind of self destructive behavior because we have to be supportive of each other bacause men surely will not. We are already paid less, we don’t need to behave like we are lesser beings since it has been scientifically proven we are not.




  2.  
    Anonymous

    Kathleen, thanks for being a representative for taking the high road!





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