How Much Should You Rely On Your Significant Other For Confidence?

Posted November 15, 2012 by Marcy Twete in Life After Five

This article is not about Kim and Kanye. But it is based on something Kim Kardashian said recently in the press, and The Huffington Post reported:

In the December issue of Cosmopolitan U.K., Kim tells editors about how her boyfriend, Kanye West, improves her self-esteem. “He’s great at boosting my confidence. He gives me compliments in every way possible,” she said.

In their article, Huffington Post begged the question: How much should you rely on your significant other for confidence? For me, the problem in this sentence is two words: rely on. Relying on someone for something implies that you can’t get it yourself; you can’t do it without them. And I think that’s a problem. If you are relying on your spouse to build you up, keep you sane, or make you more confident, you likely have a self-esteem problem in itself.

However, I think what Kim Kardashian said about Kanye is powerful and truly important in all relationships. Consider this:

  • Does your significant other compliment you regularly?
  • If your significant other were talking about you in public, how would you describe their tone? Proud? Excited? Confidence boosting?
  • Does your significant other tell you these things only in public, or behind closed doors as well?

If you don’t have those three things in your relationship, chances are you don’t have a very good one. You and your partner should constantly want to build one another up, make each other feel good about yourselves, and ensure you have the kind of self-esteem that will make your relationship better. So while you may not want to rely on your significant other to build your confidence, you absolutely should make it a relationship litmus test that they do build your confidence.

True confidence comes only from within. But we all love to hear someone else tell us we’re wonderful, whether it’s our parents, significant others, or friends. Take note and be the kind of person in your relationships that makes Kim feel the way Kanye does.

About the Author

Marcy Twete

Marcy Twete is a career fundraiser turned corporate responsibility executive, a career and networking expert and the author of the book "You Know Everybody! A Career Girl’s Guide to Building a Network That Works."