I basically ate my way through last week, and opted not to exercise because I was too busy eating and feeling lousy about myself to possibly squeeze in something as mood elevating as exercise. Three days in row I started off with the very best of food choice intentions, and three evenings in a row I ended up gobbling up the very best the local 7-Eleven had to offer.
On my third night, I actually considered driving to another 7-Eleven because I felt too embarrassed to show my face a third night in my usual stomping ground, so instead I opted for drive-thru at the local McDonalds and STILL ended up in the same damn 7-Eleven. PATHETIC.
It was the worst eating behavior I demonstrated since 1996 – the last time I binged three days (nights) in a row. I stood outside myself and watched as I behaved like a crazed junkie on the hunt for a fix. Part of me absolutely knew I needed to cease and desist the behavior, yet another part seemed intrigued by the lunacy of it.
Frankly, I scared the shit out of myself – I typically impose strict rules on how and what I eat, and how much I workout, and these rules have slowly eroded over the past several months, but something REALLY snapped in me this time.
Thus far, the emotional debris continues to shake itself out, but I managed to ferret out a few preliminary insights, which I hope will help you:
Listen to sound advice – A few weeks ago someone (ok, me) wrote a little ditty called Feeling Fat, which waxed on eloquently about the benefit of sitting with uncomfortable emotions rather than eating your way through them. Clearly, I chose the latter option, which just resulted in MORE uncomfortable feelings, not less.
Deal with the (perceived) ugly emotions as they come up — Anger infused itself into every bite I chomped, chewed, and choked down. I dodged these feelings of fury for weeks, but the toxic waste finally broke loose in a feeding frenzy of epic proportions, which left me feeling alone and crazy.
Stop starving, binging and obsessing about weight and START talking – The only way I, or anyone else can address the secret, crazy behavior is to bring it out in the open. We are not alone in how extreme the emotions feel – talk, write, scream, but let the light of day hit the feelings. Secrecy is lethal. Illuminate the ‘bad’ emotions to neutralize their power. Shame, guilt, worthlessness, etc. thrive in the dark, but disintegrate when you give them a voice.
It’s time for a new day: give ‘em hell out loud!