Knowing When “It’s Over” in Every Area of Life
“It’s over.” Two simple words. Seven tiny letters. But somehow these are the words in the English language that are somehow always the hardest to say. We stay in relationships longer than we should. We stay in dead end jobs longer than we should. We deny our problems, we look the other way, all to avoid saying those two small words – “It’s over.”
So today, we’re giving you permission to say it’s over, and some advice on knowing when it is in three specific areas: dating, jobs, and money.
Friends are baffled at times because I joke that I can spot a bad relationship a mile away. I’ll say “I don’t like that guy,” and everyone will disagree. Then, months later when a break-up occurs, I’ll say “Told ya so.” Here are my biggest tips that a relationship isn’t working, and therefore your clues that it’s over.
- When you’ve been dating a while and one or both of you is still secretive. You’re allowed to have your own things. Your own email, your own money, etc. You don’t want to become one of those 100% intertwined couples. But if months or years into your relationship, your partner is still locking his or her phone, refusing to let you use his or her computer, etc. you should run, not walk, and admit that it’s over.
- Even years into a relationship, you should be excited to see the person you’re with on a regular basis. If he or she is gone for a week, you should be ecstatic upon his or her return. If you’re not, you may want to consider the possibility that your relationship isn’t a priority in your life, and therefore might be over.
- You’re thinking about first dates and first kisses again. It’s natural in any relationship to consider whether or not that person is your “permanent” person, but the telltale sign you’re not ready to be in a permanent relationship is thinking about the butterflies you wish you were having in a new relationship. If your coupledom can’t stand the test of time in your life and make you excited for the future, it’s over.
If you’re in a job that’s dead end or unfulfilled, chances are you’ve thought about looking for a new one. But what’s holding you back? Perhaps you haven’t admitted it’s over yet. Here’s when you should:
- Have you used all of your vacation days and PTO? If you’re trying to be out of the office more than in, you might need to admit it’s over for your job.
- People close to you are starting to notice. After a while, a job you hate takes its toll physically and mentally. Of course, your best friend and your spouse might notice, but when others in your life are beginning to notice the toll it’s taking, you’d better start looking for a job.
- You’re the “resident expert” and you don’t like it. It’s one thing to be a subject matter expert and relish in the fact that you’re at the top of a subject’s food chain at work. It’s another thing if you roll your eyes every time one of your coworkers stops by to ask for your help. Are you beginning to resent the fact that your colleagues rely on you for certain things and never learn them for themselves? It’s over.
If you’ve ever watched an episode of the Suze Orman show on Saturday night, you know that there are millions of people in the world who have buried their heads in the sand when it comes to their money. Somehow there’s always some woman with no retirement, $30,000 in credit card debt, and $3,000 in savings telling Suze why she thinks she can afford an African Safari. Why? Because she hasn’t admitted it’s over when it comes to her control of money. Here’s how you know for sure your money situation needs to be turned around:
- You’re borrowing from savings again and again. Sure, we’ll all have times we get in a pinch and need to dip into savings to pay for that flight home for Mom’s birthday or to cover that accidental shoe splurge. But if month after month, you’re dipping again and again into savings, it’s time to admit you’re out of control and need some help with your finances. It’s over.
- You keep adding, but never subtracting. One of my good friends has a closet rule. For every piece she buys, she has to remove a piece from her closet. And while I’m not that rigid, it’s an important rule to notice if you’re never getting rid of anything, but you’re always buying. Do you really need five more candles or two additional pillows or throws? Probably not. If you find yourself adding, adding, adding, shopping, shopping, shopping, you probably need to call it quits.
- You don’t know how much credit card debt you have. Trust me, you should hate your credit card debt if you have it. It should plague you. You should know the exact amount and how long it will take you to pay it down. If you don’t know that number, you’re in denial of it, and therefore need to check yourself before you continue to wreck your finances. It’s over.