The #1 Thing That Holds You Back

Posted August 7, 2013 by Rebecca Niziol in Life After Five

You know there’s something holding you back, but no matter how hard you try you can’t figure it out. This block looms over you, crushing your motivation, or sits immovable blocking the only viable path you see to success. You’ve tried everything, and are disappointed by the lack of results given all the time, energy, and money you’ve invested in this part of your life. What’s even more annoying is you see a lot of other people thriving in this area with ease, and might think, “What’s my problem here? Why can they do it and I can’t?!”

The one thing you want more than anything (a loving relationship, profitable business, complete personal freedom) is probably the one thing you can’t seem to master. Frustrating isn’t it?

We’ve all been in a rut, with a big road block keeping us stuck. When we’re in that rut it’s easy to feel defeated and apathetic about what’s possible. Feeling stuck isn’t fun, but it is one of the best opportunities to stop, re-examine what’s happening, and re-direct your energy.

You might tell yourself you’re stuck because you don’t have enough time, or money. You might think something that happened in past is the reason you aren’t where you want to be now. Maybe other people don’t get you, or seem out to get you and that’s why you can’t succeed. You might not have the education, experience, or connection to thrive. Those are all lies.

The #1 thing that keeps us from living the life we want is fear.

When you dig underneath the excuses, the limiting thoughts, the feelings, right there at the bottom is a big fat fear. Fear of success, fear of failure, fear of embarrassment, rejection, capability, the list could go on and on. (Hint: If you’re a success driven achievement lover, like me, you don’t always call it fear… you call it stress).

At Unleash the Power Within, Tony Robbins pointed out that all those fears funnel down to these two:

  1. Fear that we are not enough.
  2. Fear that we aren’t loved or lovable.

He’s right. If you look back at some of you fears from the past, don’t they all fit into one of those two categories? Chances are they do. Tired of feeling stuck and living in a rut? This is what I ask my one-on-one clients when I coach them in my Breakthrough Intensive…

The 3 Key Questions To Create Breakthroughs:

1.   What fear is holding me back?

If you stand outside watching a building burning down, it’s hard to know what actually caused the fire. It’s only if you go inside and investigate, that you figure out the cause of the devastation. In order to transform, it’s essential you turn your focus inward and explore your deepest fears. It isn’t always the most comfortable process, but it is necessary to move up and out.

When you identify the fear holding you back, you start to disempower it and re-empower yourself. Illuminate your fears, and you won’t cower in the darkness of not knowing anymore. Sometimes I uncover a fear that held someone back for more than 20 years! Imagine how relieved she must feel, once she understands the cause of  her pain and frustration.

The first step is always awareness. If you don’t know what is holding you back, how do you expect to move beyond it? The tricky part is it’s tough to be honest and open enough to see our own blocks. With enough vulnerability and dedication, it can be done. However, successful people know that a great coach or mentor is vital to their growth, because they will help you identify your fear if you can’t see it for yourself.

2.    What is that fear costing me?

Be honest. You can then admit being afraid is costing you a lot. It might be costing you the confidence to start your own business. It might keep you from committing to the relationship you know you want to be in. It might block you from having more fun in your life. One thing I know for sure: it stops you from being who you really are.

If you’re not completely satisfied with an area of your life, it’s probably because, in that area, you are still letting fear run the show. We often live with fear because we think we’ll be safe if we don’t take those risks. In reality, it keeps us mediocre at best, content instead of joyful, and constantly seeking instead of finding.

When you think about everything you’re missing out on, and the pain you’ll feel in the future wishing you would’ve done more, you’ll feel called to step up, face your fear, and move beyond it. This is the most courageous step in the transformation process, and the one that keeps most people stuck. Focus on the pain some of your current choices caused you ,or others. Think about what it would be worth to breakthrough your fear, then do whatever is necessary to set yourself up to transform.

3.    What would my life be like without that fear?

When your desire for what you want outweighs your fear, you will find a way to move beyond it. There is a reason that most successful people are called visionaries. Their vision is so strong and powerful, they’ll leverage whatever they need to make it a reality. When you take fear out of the equation, you move into a place of unlimited possibilities. Everything you’ve ever wanted suddenly seems achievable, and anything you might need comes to you.

As human beings, fear will most likely always be a part of our lives. We were wired this way to survive, and recognize danger. Our level of success comes from our own ability to identify fear and move beyond it as quickly as possible. Naturally another fear will come up, and again you will struggle until you move beyond it. Eventually, when you become a master at breaking through your fear, you will have everything you desire. You will gain the momentum and confidence, so that you can create the type of life that others can’t even dream of.

Imagine a life filled with love and connection, success and fulfillment, joy and peace. That is what’s possible, for you, for me, and for anyone willing to reconcile their deepest fears.


**I want to help you breakthrough your fear and transform your life. If you’re ready, schedule a complimentary Clarity Session with me to take the first step, and see if you’re a candidate for my Breakthrough Intensive. Limited spaces available, first come first serve.

About the Author

Rebecca Niziol

Rebecca Niziol, ELI-MP, is many things: a life coach, yoga teacher, dancer, event planner, connection catalyst, and your new best friend. Her mission is to empower others to live the authentic life of their dreams. After years of traveling North America and Europe, she is happy to have found a home and community in Chicago.