The One-Dimensional Dilemma
Today I want to tackle how people (including I) have a bad habit of judging other people and labeling them as one-dimensional.
If you are a regular Kaliwood reader you know I believe that women can be strong, successful members of society, while expressing their femininity. In fact, I think that’s the edge we have over men. We can wear skirts, dresses, pants, and shorts while men only get two options. We can decorate with any color we please, while men are limited to ones that aren’t in the pink/purple family. I’m not saying that I agree with this social expectation. I’m simply saying that this is how it is currently so why not take advantage of it?
Let me be more specific. I love most things “girly” as you know. Not too big on ruffles, but heels, bags, clothes, makeup, yes, I enjoy it. But there is so much more to me than that. And there is so much more to EVERY woman than that. I also love beer. It’s my drink of choice when out with friends.No, I don’t want a strawberry-latte-mocha-rita, I want a blue moon. Draft, not bottle.
I love the Bengals and the UK Wildcats. I love playing kickball and launching a ball at a guy running home and getting him out. I love driving my car fast when I’m alone. I watch The Walking Dead and love the Bad Boys movies. I suck at cooking and always forget to turn off lights in the house.
My point is I hate personality tests.
Because they do what most of us do. Put someone into a little box labeled, “Miss Priss” and leave us there. Leave us there to wither and die under the scorching light of judgement.
I realize I feed into this stereotype every time I complain about going camping with my “outdoorsy” boyfriend or joke about staying in crappy hotel. But, people, realize when people are JOKING. We all joke with our friends or coworkers about their quirks, but we shouldn’t forget there is always more to that person.
I had a conversation with a previous boss that comes to mind as I discuss this issue. I recently asked for a raise and got it. When my boss called me in to let me know when I would receive the official raise, she also wanted to give me some advice. I accepted willingly, never one to turn down insight from successful women whom I admired. She said she had been giggling to herself since our conversation when I asked for the raise. Confused, I asked why. She said in the future when asking for a raise I should focus on what I had accomplished and how well I was doing, and use that to make my case for why I deserved a raise. She said I shouldn’t mention that my salary doesn’t support my lifestyle because a boss doesn’t care if her employee drives a Lexus or a Ford Fiesta.
I graciously thanked her for the advice and left. I was hurt. I never once mentioned that I didn’t make enough money to support my “lifestyle”. I’m sure I mentioned something about how I felt I wasn’t making enough money, but never related it to how I live my life. I felt judged. Whatever I had actually said when I asked her for a raise was not what she HEARD. What she heard was that I wanted more money to buy nice things. Probably because she knows I like nice things. I wasn’t going to argue with her, but it really opened my eyes to how she viewed me.