The Influence of Others: Removed

Posted June 23, 2011 by Marcy Twete in Life After Five
Every month when I get O Magazine, I quickly flip to the center area to find Martha Beck’s column. What does this extraordinary woman have to say this month? And her most recent article did not disappoint. In fact, I believe it completely changed my life. If you read anything I ask you to, read this. Martha Beck’s article in this month’s O Magazine is truly eye opening. It’s called “How to Love More by Caring Less” and the principles of it can be applied in nearly every life situation.

Martha contends we spend our lives saying things like this: “If _______ would only _______, then I could feel _______.” Martha then tells us to remove the first two statements and say, “I could feel _______.” Because the truth of the matter is, you can feel any way you choose. Your friends, your family, your circumstances, etc. do not determine the way you feel. You do.

For the past six months, I’ve said a number of times, “If only I had _____, then I would absolutely love living in Chicago.” After reading Martha’s article, this became so clear to me. I already love living in Chicago. I already love this city. I don’t need to be employed to love living here, because what would that really change? I would have a different schedule in the same city, with the same activities, with the same opportunities and festivals and restaurants and theatre. So why didn’t I think I loved Chicago? Because I tied that love to a condition. And maybe it’s Martha Beck’s article, maybe it’s being gone for 10 days, but whatever it is, I’ve realized my love for this city in a new way.

It works for situations at work. It works for situations with family. It works. When I stopped attaching conditions to my feelings, and realized I could just feel them, it was the most liberating moment! I sincerely hope my readers will have the same reactions to Ms. Beck’s words. Truly powerful!

About the Author

Marcy Twete

Marcy Twete is a career fundraiser turned corporate responsibility executive, a career and networking expert and the author of the book "You Know Everybody! A Career Girl’s Guide to Building a Network That Works."