Kindness Towards Your Struggling Self

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Posted October 28, 2013 by Monica O'Connell in Life After Five

Struggling Self

It’s ok that today you feel like you’re falling through the cracks.

That this place you’d like to be feels unattainable.

It’s far too far away that it feels like why bother?

I know, most days you stand in possibility.

You firmly plant yourself this place of hope and openness and the belief that everyone gets to have the life they want.

And it’s ok that today, you believe that for others and not for yourself.

Perhaps today you’ve found yourself more in the space of:

I can’t

I suck

I’m a horrible no good very bad so and so.

That’s ok.  This place too deserves your love and kind attention.

You embrace the part of your self that achieves.  You give her space.  You encourage her.  You enroll her in a community by facebooking/tweeting/instagraming and cheering for her.  You seek to find her.

Why not give the part of yourself that isn’t perfect, is questioning and struggling the same space.  Maybe not in such a way that we show off our achievements.  Maybe this struggling self needs quieter attention, more tender love.

Maybe this part of our self needs us to show up at the end of the day, with the covers pulled up, over and all around and give her space to be.

Maybe it’s time to create the space for tears.

Maybe to create the space for an all out sobfest.  You know the kind.  Snot everywhere. An abundance of kleenex.  A red nose and puffy eyes. This too, deserves your kindness.  This too deserves your love.

Maybe this struggling self needs community.  Sometimes she needs attention from your friends no matter how embarrassing it feels to say it outloud.

It might take a lot to say:

I don’t know. I’m in pain. I am sad. I feel stuck

Something isn’t right.

I’m anxious and I really, really don’t believe today that it’s going to work out.

She deserves this voice. This opportunity.  This kindness.

Starting where you are truly requires that you warm up to this part of yourself that you don’t often want to see or feel.  I know, it’s hard.  Start there any way.  She needs it.


About the Author

Monica O'Connell

Monica O’Connell is a Licensed Marriage and Family therapist in Minneapolis, Minnesota. In her practice, she spends her career cheering on “Career Girls” as they learn how to get the most out of life. Monica works with arguably some of the most successful, intelligent, inspiring women in the Twin Cities who tackle self-discovery, career success, and what’s getting in the way of their true desires. She shares her favorite moments as those “best described not by words but by the stomach aching, face soreness that comes from spending an entire day laughing with loved ones.”

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