When You’re Ready

Posted May 28, 2013 by Monica O'Connell in Life After Five
better relationships


Last week we chatted about finding people who best reflect us and where we are going.  I want to talk a little bit about why we might feel ok with the relationships that we are in even if we know they aren’t serving us.

Do you know which ones I mean? Dating that guy that you have found far too many reasons not to date but you’re doing it anyway? It’s safe.

That co-worker who is uber negative and complains a lot but she’s around for after work happy hours?

Sometimes we think it feels good to settle.  To be in the predictable. To know what’s coming next.  We can just snuggle in, we know the water is warm and just stay stagnant for a bit.

We also know we’re here when people offer us opportunities and we’re on autopilot to say no.  We come up with a lot of excuses why the offer isn’t quite right.  That workout with your friend at 6am? There’s no way that can happen because you can’t get up that early.

It’s during these two times when it becomes obvious that it’s painful to look in the mirror.  That no matter how many great people we have in our lives to reflect us, we’re just not ready.  We’re hurting too deep.

Did anyone ever tell you that it’s ok to be here? This is a sweet spot disguised as pain.  Being here means that you’re ready to begin.

It also means that you’re going to start seeing the pain you’ve been hoping to tuck away for good.  You’ve been hiding out with those people you know don’t quite serve you, in that place you know at least won’t feel scary.

You get to be here.  And that pain you’re afraid to have in front of you, that’s ok.  It’ll wait until you work up that courage you have tucked away. Scared is a feeling too.

Your task today is just to notice.

And when you’re ready to dive in, know that those amazing relationships are waiting to show you exactly who you are: imperfect and deserving just the same.  Lovely and daring and fantastic.

And when you’re ready, you’ll start to see your pain and all of the other parts of you.  And as that happens, you’ll sink into those relationships that serve you.  The ones that truly reflect you.

About the Author

Monica O'Connell

Monica O’Connell is a Licensed Marriage and Family therapist in Minneapolis, Minnesota. In her practice, she spends her career cheering on “Career Girls” as they learn how to get the most out of life. Monica works with arguably some of the most successful, intelligent, inspiring women in the Twin Cities who tackle self-discovery, career success, and what’s getting in the way of their true desires. She shares her favorite moments as those “best described not by words but by the stomach aching, face soreness that comes from spending an entire day laughing with loved ones.”