Why We Need To Say No
Saying no is uncomfortable.
Especially if no one taught you how to do it growing up.
- Little girls are taught to say yes, to take care and to value deeply relationships.
- We are taught to read people, to anticipate, to feel our feelings, to feel others feelings.
- Moms take care of everyone. Moms do everything for everyone. When we grow up we want to be mommys, too. So we practice as little girls how to be a mommy. We play house and kitchen and teacher, all service jobs.
- We rehearsed teaching, comforting, loving, sharing, caring.
These aren’t bad things, always. They’re things we love about ourselves.
And, they get in the way of saying no.
- Of feeling that it’s ok to say no.
- Of knowing how to say no.
- Of knowing why it’s important to say no.
Why don’t we say no?
- When we do, it feels bad, uncomfortable, awkward, embarrassing, fearful.
- We don’t want to hurt anyone. Our significant other, friends, family members and co-workers are important to us.
- We might get “in trouble”
- We might not be liked.
Why should we say no?
- People who don’t say no, are typically passive aggressive. They find sneaky ways to say no. No one wants to be like that.
- Our feelings, time, values and life are important. Our stuff is important. Our ideas are important.
- Saying no feels amazing.
- Saying no gets us to a better place of saying yes to what is really important.
No is a complete sentence.
You can also add variety.
- No thank you
- Unfortunately that doesn’t work.
- Sorry I’m not sorry.